Sunday, October 5, 2014

But the crabs are here.

Tyrion looked pointedly at his right hand. "Why, I have steel in my hand, Ser Alliser, although it appears to be a crab fork. Shall we duel?" He hopped up on his chair and began poking at Thorne's chest with the tiny fork. Roars of laughter filled the tower room. Bits of crab flew from the Lord Commander's mouth as he began to gasp and choke. Even his raven joined in, cawing loudly from above the window. "Duel! Duel! Duel!" Ser Alliser Thorne walked from the room so stiffly it looked as though he had a dagger up his butt. Mormont was still gasping for breath. Tyrion pounded him on the back. "To the victor goes the spoils," he called out. "I claim Thorne's share of the crabs."

 Crab legs are one of the easiest things to cook.  Seriously. 

3 bottles lager beer (I used sounded nautical)
3 lemons, cut in half (plus extra for serving)
1 large head garlic, cut in half
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp paprika
1 tsp sea salt
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
Note: this is a minimum recommendation to reflect the sparseness of the Wall.  Add more to taste.
(or you can just use old bay for all of the above if you don't mind using pre-made seasonings)
 3lbs Alaska King Crab Legs, split
1 stick butter, melted


Add beer, lemons, garlic, and seasoning to a very large stock pot then bring to a boil. Add crab legs then place a lid on top and cook for 4 minutes (it’s ok if lid doesn’t shut all the way.) Remove meat from shells then serve with butter.

You can also make a delightful dry rub "dip" by mixing the aforementioned seasonings to taste.  Delicious.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Over 10,000 page views? Now I feel really bad about not updating.

Greetings, gentle readers.  Apparently there are quite a few of you.  My deepest apologies for the hiatus.  Babies were born (highborn, not baseborn, of course)  jobs were changed etc. etc.

I hope to get back into regular cooking and blogging mode and as a token of good faith, I give you "Night's Watch Stew."  I'm skipping the first stew reference, as I am plum out of squirrel.  (OK, that's a lie, there are like 10 of them in my yard as I type...but I don't feel like eating them.)

(Edit: really HAS been a while...I did a king's road stew, sans squirrel)
Inside, the hall was immense and drafty, even with a fire roaring in its great hearth. Crows nested in the timbers of its lofty ceiling. Jon heard their cries overhead as he accepted a bowl of stew and a heel of black bread from the day's cooks. Grenn and Toad and some of the others were seated at the bench nearest the warmth, laughing and cursing each other in rough voices. Jon eyed them thoughtfully for a moment. Then he chose a spot at the far end of the hall, well away from the other diners.

Tyrion Lannister sat across from him, sniffing at the stew suspiciously. "Barley, onion, carrot," he muttered. "Someone should tell the cooks that turnip isn't a meat."


    5 cups beef stock or broth
    12 oz Dark Beer or Stout.  (I used Harpoon Chocolate Stout...because why not?)
     1 shallot chopped
    2 carrots chopped
    2 cups turnips cubed (or more if you want to be "book accurate"  but I don't like turnips that much)
    6 medium stalks of celery sliced
    1 cup onion chopped
    3 large Portobello mushroom caps cubed
    4 cloves garlic minced
    1/4 cup barley
    1 Lb. preferred lean stew beef (calculated w/ chuck) (or mutton, again if you want accuracy)
    2 tbsp flour
    (And these are's all stuff that would keep well, so theoretically the Night's Watch would be able to keep them...but how much seasoning they would use is open for debate)
    1 tbsp cumin
    1 tbsp coriander
    1 tsp allspice
    1 tbsp oregano (dried)
    1 tbsp black pepper


Place a large stew pot over high heat.  Add beef broth/stock and beer to pot.

In large skillet, soften onions, celery and shallot over medium heat. Add to pot of broth.

Turn skillet heat up to medium-high, and add garlic, salt and mushroom. Cook until mushrooms are browned. Add to pot.

In medium sized mixing bowl, combine flour, cumin, coriander, and allspice. Cut beef into chunks, and dredge in flour mixture. Coat heated skillet with oil, and brown meat and flour mixture. Add to pot. 

Add barley, oregano, and pepper to pot. Cover and let simmer for 1 hour.  Uncover and bring to a boil.  Cook for another 50 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Add carrots and turnips.  Reduce to low heat and simmer, covered, for another 30 minutes.
Uncover and bring to a boil and cook for another 10 minutes or until turnips are tender.